Friday, 8 February 2013

Script to Screen: OGR 2


  1. OGR 10/02/2013

    Afternoon Vikki,

    Okay - it's a bit of pity that your storyboard - and your presentation of it - sort of collapses towards the end, though I was able to follow the action - just!

    I have a few suggestions for your consideration; I'm just wondering if the 'wine cellar' should be a tavern (which would have wine cellar) just because I'm not sure what the 'wine cellar' would be otherwise in terms of a logical business; I can imagine your character Bonnie kicking her way into some dark, mud-floored pub and then making her way into the cellar of it - 'wine cellar' seems a bit posh as a name for a pub back then - something more like 'The Kings Head'? I also think it would be more 'logical' if she were to knock the tavern owner unconscious - i don't know, the audience thinks she's going to shoot him - but when she does fire, she knocks something off the shelf behind him which knocks him out (which she intends to do) - otherwise, why wouldn't the tavern owner go get help after she's let him go, and why wouldn't the police find her drunk in the cellar? If he's unconscious, she could tuck the coins into his top pocket as she leaves. Obviously, these are just minor considerations - take or leave.

    In terms of character design, Vikki - while I really like the expressiveness of these early designs, I'd like to see you going for a clean-line approach and really dealing them in terms of structure, proportion and good strong silhouette. The same is true of your concept art - yes, I always find your 'getting ideas down and out there' very gratifying, but I want to see you offering up some really refined final pieces with an emphasis on good draftmanship and elegance of execution - some refinement and polish.

    There are some really useful resources on myUCA in regard to the basics of presenting strong, structural character designs, so please make this an opportunity to get to grips with some of the nuts and bolts of good character design practice.

  2. In terms of storyboarding, I really want to see you drilling down into the more complex actions sequences that occur within the dream sequence; it's a more expressionistic, theatrical space within your story, and I'd like to see that reflected in your shots and sequencing; this is larger than life and symbolic, and your OGR storyboards make no real suggestion of this world or the more dynamic, panicky and nightmarish feel of these scenes. Similarly, I'd be very interested to see what style choices you're making in this world, as your influence maps make it clear that things are going to be very different in the dream world, both in terms of space and colour. I'm curious to see it.

    Short version, Vikki - your progress is good, but I do want to see more refinement in your 2d draftmanship and evidence too that you're working closely with the various storyboarding resources to ensure that your work is presented as dynamically and as professionally as possible.

    Now - in terms of soundtrack etc. your story presents some real creative challenges; it's a period piece, it has a hallucination sequence... I look forward to seeing your thoughts on sound design!