So - as we discussed, I think you've nailed the mood and the aesthetic and the sensuality - well done! I think you need to really look at your transitioning between the scenes; there's a slight 'stickiness' in some of your transitions - not smooth or purposeful enough. For example, avoid cross-dissolves; use an accent in the music to synch with a hard edit between two shots - get it right, and edit will appear smooth and natural. In other scenes, you use physical 'wipes' - the lilypad, for example - and that's nice - but you need to keep the flow nice and constant, without leaving us looking too long at empty scenes, or waiting for something to end/begin.
I'd keep your text elements off that lovely water-lily render at the end; seems a real shame to clutter it with type; let your film finish, the mood die away, and then keep your credits nice and simple.
As discussed, I think you need to consider expanding on some of your lovely set-pieces; I suggest you consider ways to make more of your fish, as I know you've got multiple versions, and I think there are opportunites for some patterns and lovely rhythms here. Likewise, that beautiful 'from below' image of the butterfly just demands some expansion in terms of creating surface pattern and a sort of visual poetry.
I still think your fish could move more fluidly... more painterly. Have you considered adding motion blur or experimenting with ways you can lend further softness to their movements - they're fish, but they're also moving water-colour paintings. I know all of this easier said than done! :)
The least successful element is the butterfly + sun sequence leading to the water; this is clunky in a way your other sequences are not, so I'd look again at the staging of this sequence and think more about exploiting more obviously the natural shape of the butterfly, so perhaps avoiding having the camera looking at it so horizontally.
Musically - really think about using the music to edit to; I reckon there's a closer synch-up there - and watch your sound design; I can hear the 'beginning' and 'end' of your water sound effects; work more fluidly throughout; you're trying to cast a spell, and little glitchy movements, clumsy transitions and one-dimensional sound design will pop people out of your very lovely world. Onwards! :)
Hi Vikki,
ReplyDeleteSo - as we discussed, I think you've nailed the mood and the aesthetic and the sensuality - well done! I think you need to really look at your transitioning between the scenes; there's a slight 'stickiness' in some of your transitions - not smooth or purposeful enough. For example, avoid cross-dissolves; use an accent in the music to synch with a hard edit between two shots - get it right, and edit will appear smooth and natural. In other scenes, you use physical 'wipes' - the lilypad, for example - and that's nice - but you need to keep the flow nice and constant, without leaving us looking too long at empty scenes, or waiting for something to end/begin.
I'd keep your text elements off that lovely water-lily render at the end; seems a real shame to clutter it with type; let your film finish, the mood die away, and then keep your credits nice and simple.
As discussed, I think you need to consider expanding on some of your lovely set-pieces; I suggest you consider ways to make more of your fish, as I know you've got multiple versions, and I think there are opportunites for some patterns and lovely rhythms here. Likewise, that beautiful 'from below' image of the butterfly just demands some expansion in terms of creating surface pattern and a sort of visual poetry.
I still think your fish could move more fluidly... more painterly. Have you considered adding motion blur or experimenting with ways you can lend further softness to their movements - they're fish, but they're also moving water-colour paintings. I know all of this easier said than done! :)
The least successful element is the butterfly + sun sequence leading to the water; this is clunky in a way your other sequences are not, so I'd look again at the staging of this sequence and think more about exploiting more obviously the natural shape of the butterfly, so perhaps avoiding having the camera looking at it so horizontally.
Musically - really think about using the music to edit to; I reckon there's a closer synch-up there - and watch your sound design; I can hear the 'beginning' and 'end' of your water sound effects; work more fluidly throughout; you're trying to cast a spell, and little glitchy movements, clumsy transitions and one-dimensional sound design will pop people out of your very lovely world. Onwards! :)
Thank you Phil :D onwards :)
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